The election that spawned a thousand (badly written) essays

Welcome to the “I thought it was over” re-write of an essay on guess what topic?  The paper was full of errors. Student has been speaking English for at least 10 years, and does not talk like this – but

  • conversation is greatly forgiving about end-of-word sounds
  • writing uses a different part of the brain than conversation.

 

The way to win an election is to talk with patient and know what you are say.

  • To have patience (N) / To be patient (V)
  • To talk with patience / to talk with the people.

 

 

To know what you are say x

  • To know what you are saying
  • To know what you are talking about

 

What YOU say /  any way  HE can

 

The president should less taxes not so high.

 

  • The president (already elected?)
  • The president-to-be
  • The future president

 

  • Should suggest having fewer taxes
  • Should say he will not give such high taxes
  • Should say he will lower taxes.
    • Should say he will have fewer taxes
      and they will not be so high.

 

 

 

Another way that he could help older people for there stuff.

 

  • For there stuff / for their stuff.
    • There their
    • Here  our
      • (note ‘here’ in both location words)
      • (note double vowel in both ownership words)
  • [Another way that he could help] [older people for their stuff]
  • Where is the verb for the second phrase?
  • Another way that he could help is by giving older people more benefits.

 

 

Bussines   business   (but not busyness)

 

attack-adsIf you don’t know where your candidate stands on the issues, you have no business supporting them.  Let alone asking other people to do so, and they all have websites spelling out what they would do.

 

  • The first sentence is fine.
  • The second sentence starts with a sentence fragment, and ends up being a run-on.

 

If you don’t know where your candidate stands on the issues, you have no business supporting them, let alone asking other people to do so. Besides, they all have websites spelling out what they would do.

 

election-judgeEven the coolest of hearts can get heated when discussing politics with friends, but remember these are your friends talking to you, and you want to keep your relationships. intact through several more election cycles.

  • What a lovely sentence.
  • Thanks for that clear writing and clear idea!

If you are dealing with someone who is on a* fence, don’t insult * by questioning why they didn’t made a decision yet.

  • Another nice sentence.
  • The idiom is ‘on the fence’
  • Don’t insult them (otherwise your insult is hanging out there, not aimed at anyone.)

 

If someone is a adamant about not liking your candidate* don’t take it personally.

  • ‘adamant’ is a description, it does not need ‘a’
  • The ‘if’ and the result need to be separated by a comma.

 

And* see if you can find common ground.

  • Starting with ‘and’ makes it a sentence fragment.
  • And means continuation. What other connectors are there?
  • Instead, see if you can..
  • On the other hand, see if you can…

 

election-adEach candidate has some militant fans,  and one way to quickly lose a person’s interest is to get in the face and bark facts about a person your backing.

  • But confusing. And long.
  • lose a person’s interest – Who is losing the person’s interest? Which person? Is the candidate talking to a crowd or are you talking to your friend?
  • Get in the face – who’s face? Use a pronoun.
  • A person you’re backing – one specific person should use ‘the’ not ‘a’.
  • Your = the candidate belongs to you, you’re = the candidate you are backing

 

 

Each candidate has some militant fans, and one way to quickly lose a friend’s interest is to get in their face. In addition, barking facts about the person you’re backing is not good.

 

There is a fine line about passionate and being zealot.

  • Fine is always ‘between’
  • For parallel structure, passion and zeal need to match:
    • Fine line between passion and zealotry
    • Fine line between being passionate and being a zealot
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s